"When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos." – L.R. Knost

Managing emotions is a crucial life skill, yet for many students, particularly those with autism, ADHD or other behavioral disorders, self-regulation can be a daily challenge. In classrooms, is it not uncommon for students to become escalated due to sensory overload, frustration with academic tasks, social conflicts, or unexpected changes in routine. When your students’ emotions rise, knowing how to respond in a way that promotes de-escalation rather than escalation is key to maintaining a safe and supportive learning environment.

Below are five essential strategies to help students regulate their emotions while maintaining a calm and structured classroom.

1. Keep a Calm, Neutral Voice

Your tone of voice can be the deciding factor in whether or not you’re able to de-escalate an emotional interaction. When a student is upset, raising your voice or sounding frustrated can intensify their emotions. Instead, maintain a calm, even tone, speaking slowly and softly. This approach communicates safety and reassurance rather than adding to their distress.

💡 Try this: If a student yells, lower your voice and say, “I want to help you, but I can’t understand you when you’re yelling.” While matching their emotional intensity would only fuel their frustration, using a calm response such as this can help re-center them and remind them that you’re there to help.

Even if you feel frustrated yourself, taking a deep breath before speaking can help you model self-regulation and set a positive tone for de-escalation.

2. Focus on What the Student Should Be Doing

It’s easy to fall into the habit of telling students what not to do: “Stop yelling,” “Don’t run,” or “Quit hitting your desk.” However, negative directives don’t give students clear guidance on appropriate behavior. Instead, focus on what they should be doing.

💡 Try this: Instead of saying, “Stop yelling,” try, “Take a deep breath” or “Follow me to the calm corner.” This shift in language helps students understand the expected behavior while keeping the interaction positive. After all, if a student has oppositional or defiant tendencies, giving directives like "Stop doing that" simply provides them with more opportunities to resist.

When students hear clear, actionable steps, they are more likely to respond appropriately instead of feeling stuck in a cycle of defiance.

3. Provide Space and Time

When a student is escalated, trying to rush them back to a calm state can often backfire. Emotional regulation takes time, and pressuring a student to "calm down" too quickly may only escalate the situation further. Instead, give them space—both physically and emotionally—to work through their feelings at their own pace.

💡 Try this: If a student is upset and not calming down, provide them with a few feet of physical space (if possible) and allow them time to process their emotions. Instead of saying, “You need to calm down right now,” try, “Take your time. I’m here when you’re ready.” A few extra minutes of patience can make a big difference in achieving a positive outcome.

Recognizing that de-escalation is a process, not an instant fix, allows students to regain control in a way that feels safe and supported.

4. Validate Feelings

Students often escalate further when they feel unheard or dismissed. Validating their feelings doesn’t mean agreeing with inappropriate behavior; it simply means acknowledging their emotions in a way that fosters connection and trust.

💡 Try this: Instead of saying, “There’s no reason to be upset,” try, “I see that you’re really frustrated right now. It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s figure out how to make this better.” Acknowledging emotions helps students feel understood and more willing to move toward regulation.

When students feel understood, they are more likely to engage in problem-solving rather than continuing to escalate.

5. Provide Choices

When students feel out of control, giving them a sense of agency can help them regain composure. Small, structured choices allow them to feel empowered while still maintaining classroom expectations.

💡 Try this: If a student refuses to complete an assignment, offer choices like, “Would you like to use a pencil or a marker?” or “Do you want to work at your desk or in the quiet corner?” These options provide a sense of control while guiding them toward compliance.

Even small choices can help a student feel like they have some control over the situation, reducing power struggles and resistance.

Final Thoughts

De-escalation is about fostering a classroom culture where students feel safe, heard, and supported. By staying calm, offering clear expectations, providing space, time, and opportunities for choice-making, educators can help students navigate emotional challenges more effectively.

Looking for more resources on behavior management? Check out this free guide to de-escalation strategies to share with your team members!